A Simple Pronoun

For Him, Her, He, She, They and Them

In the 1960s solicitation of same sex relations was illegal in New York City. In fact engaging in gay behavior or any kind of public display of affection by same-sex couples was illegal. So much so that police raids at known gay bars were rampant and frequent. One such raid occurred on June 28, 1969 at the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, NY. Rather than dispersing, the patrons of the bar hung around and got increasingly agitated as they saw their friends being mishandled. It wasn’t long before this raid evolved into a full blown riot involving the police and hundreds of people; sparking more protests and LGBT political activism.

About forty years later, on 2 June 2000, President Bill Clinton declared June “Gay & Lesbian Pride Month” to commemorate the June 1969 Stonewall riots in Lower Manhattan. In 2016, then-President Barack Obama designated the site of the riots—Stonewall Inn, Christopher Park, and the surrounding streets and sidewalks—a national monument in recognition of the area’s contribution to gay rights. On June 15th 2020, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that Title VII of the United States Civil Rights Act of 1964 – which bans discrimination based on sex – is applicable to sexual orientation and gender identity. Until that June 15th decision, it was legal in more than half of the states to fire workers for being gay, bisexual or transgender. As if work was not difficult enough. Now that we have this brief lesson, here’s a quick refresher on terms related to sexual orientation that we might have to use in our now gender diverse work environment. 

Think about this as a ‘How To Avoid A Call from HR Guide’:

• Androgyne: Person appearing and/or identifying as neither man nor woman, presenting a gender either mixed or neutral.
• Asexual: Person who is not sexually attracted to anyone or does not have a sexual orientation. Or maybe it’s just you, Johnny Bravo. 
• Bigendered: A person whose gender identity is a combination of male/man and female/woman.
• Bisexual: A person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men and females/ women. This attraction does not have to be equally split between genders and there may be a preference for one gender over others.
• Cisgender: An adjective used to describe a person whose gender identity and gender expression align with sex assigned at birth. ie born male, uses he and him pronouns.
• Cross Dresser: A word to describe a person who dresses, at least partially, as a member of a gender other than their assigned sex; carries no implications of sexual orientation. This replaces the word “Transvestite.”
• Drag: The performance of one or multiple genders THEATRICALLY.
• Dyke: Derogatory term referring to a masculine lesbian. Sometimes adopted affirmatively by lesbians (not necessarily masculine ones) to refer to themselves.
• Gay: 1. Term used in some cultural settings to represent males who are attracted to males in a romantic, erotic and/or emotional sense. Not all men who engage in “homosexual behavior” identify as gay, and as such this label should be used with caution. 2. Term used to refer to the LGBTQI community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.
• Gender: A social and legal status, and set of expectations from society, about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts. 
• Gender identity is the internal perception of one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be.
• Genderfluid: Applies to a person whose gender identity changes over time or changes at different times.
• Genderqueer: A term to describe a person whose gender identity does not align with a binary understanding of gender (i.e., a person who does not identify fully as either a man or a woman). People who identify as genderqueer may redefine gender or decline to define themselves as gendered altogether. For example, people who identify as genderqueer may think of themselves as both man and woman (bigender, pangender, androgyne); neither man nor woman (genderless, gender neutral, neutrois, agender), moving between genders (genderfluid); or embodying a third gender.
• Intergender: A person whose gender identity is between genders or a combination of genders.
• Intersex: People who are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy and/or chromosome patterns that do not seem to fit typical definitions of male or female. Also known as differences of sex development.
• Lesbian: Term used to describe female-identified people attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other female-identified people. The term lesbian is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos and as such is sometimes considered a Eurocentric category that does not necessarily represent the identities of African-Americans and other non-European ethnic groups.
• LGBT: Abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender. An umbrella term used to refer to the community as a whole.
• LGBTQ+: stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning and “plus,” which represents other sexual identities including pansexual, asexual and omnisexual. So this is not like an iPhone where plus means bigger? 
• LGBTQI: A common abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex community.
• LGBTQIA: refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or allied.
• Pansexual, Omnisexual: Terms used to describe people who have romantic, sexual or affectional desire for people of all genders and sexes. Has some overlap with bisexuality and polysexuality
• Polysexual: People who have romantic, sexual, or affectional desire for more than one gender. Has some overlap with bisexuality and pansexuality.
• Sex: Sex is a label — male or female — that you’re assigned by a doctor at birth based on the genitals you’re born with and the chromosomes you have. It does not necessarily match one’s gender/gender identity.
• Transgender: An umbrella term that incorporates differences in gender identity wherein one’s assigned biological sex doesn’t match their felt identity. Individuals in this category may feel as if they are in the wrong gender. 2. A gender outside of the man/woman binary. 3. Having no gender or multiple genders.
• Transgender Man or FTM: “Female to male”; a person who was assigned female at birth, but identifies and lives as a male.
• Transgender Woman or MTF : “Male to female”; a person who was assigned male at birth, but identifies and lives as a female.
• Transsexual: A person who lives full-time in a gender different than their assigned birth sex and gender. Some pursue hormones and/or surgery while others do not. Sometimes used to specifically refer to trans people pursuing gender or sex confirmation.
• Transition:The time when a person begins to live as the gender with which they identify rather than the gender they were assigned at birth. Transition often includes changing one’s first name and presenting differently. Transition can include medical and legal steps, such as hormone therapy, sex reassignment surgery, and changing identification papers.
• Womxn: some womxn spell the word with an “x” as a form of empowerment to move away from the “men” in the “traditional” spelling of women. Okay, but how is this pronounced?
• Ze/Hir: Alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some gender variant persons. Pronounced /zee/ and /here,/ they replace “he”/”she” and “his”/”hers” respectively.

So why does this matter? For queer, gender non-conforming, non-binary, and transgender people, mistaking or assuming pronouns can be hurtful or even seen as disrespectful. Our normal everyday pronouns may not fit and can create discomfort. It’s difficult to know a person’s preferred gender pronoun by looking at them. The best way is to ask: 

“What pronouns do you use?”

“How would you like me to refer to you?”

“How would you like to be addressed?”

“Can you remind me which pronouns you like for yourself?”

“My name is Adwoa and my pronouns are she and her. What about you?” 

If you’re not sure, it is acceptable to use they, them, their, themselves when referring to someone who has not expressed a clear pronoun choice. Discussing and correctly using gender pronouns might seem awkward at first but this simple step can make all of the difference to another person. Especially at work parties and those team building events that no one wants to be at anyway. It’s a way to ensure you do not disrespect or alienate another person. 

As a Christian, I feel it necessary to say this: there is no part of the Bible that I have found that condones homosexuality. I’m no bible scholar but in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Paul writes: 

9. Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10. nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  1 Corinthians 6:9-10 _NIV

So then why this piece? Notice the “wrongdoers” that are mentioned in the two verses above. It’s not just one group that will not inherit the kingdom of God.  

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3: 23 _NIV

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:13 _NIV

It is just by Grace we have been saved through Faith-Grace, gifted to us from The Father. So how dare I judge? My aim is to live at peace with and be respectful of all men and women. If all it takes is a few minutes of listening and honest questioning, why not try? As a Black (cis)woman in America, I am all too aware of how it feels to be dismissed and discriminated against. It is my hope that in sharing this bit of information, we would have increased our knowledge of the gay community (plus you must admit it was quite interesting/colorful to read). We’re all God’s children, let’s treat each other as such. 

References: 

1. American Psychological Association. (2015). Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming People. American Psychologist, 70(9), 832-864. doi.org/10.1037/a0039906
2. American Psychological Association  National Association of School Psychologists. (2015). Resolution on gender and sexual orientation diversity in children and adolescents in schools. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/about/policy/orientation-diversity.aspx
3. LGBTQIA Resource Center Glossary at UC Davis – https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary 
4. LGBT Glossary at Amnesty International – https://www.amnestyusa.org/pdfs/toolkit_LGBTglossary.pdf